Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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