Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
