I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
