Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i came on her dog
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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