Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
