Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
