apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
