I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
