rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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