she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
