If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
