Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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