wanna go halves on a baby?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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