I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
