A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
