6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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