He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
