when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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