remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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