I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
