i think my tv is drunk
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
