omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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