How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
