Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
