im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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