All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
