1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
