Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
