yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
