i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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