i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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