am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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