He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
