Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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