you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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