Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
