if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
