when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
