I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
