just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
