He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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