Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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