he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
