halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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