So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
