Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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