Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
