dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
