What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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