In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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