I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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