When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
