you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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